By Sarah Henderson
Have you ever suffered the bereavement of a close family member? How did your employer respond and what was the response regarding your well-being at work? Have you stopped to think about how they chose to support you might have altered how you coped?
Most of us have unfortunately suffered the loss of a someone we loved. When you first hear the news the last thing on your mind is work – and yet – how you are supported at this very vulnerable time can have a considerable effect on how you recover.
I became pregnant with my second child in November 2014 and was very excited at welcoming a sibling for my daughter, whose pregnancy had been a joy. However, at the 20-week scan we got the news that Rowan had a fatal heart condition and would likely not live to birth, and certainly not much beyond if she made it that far. I was plunged into darkness instantly. My world turned upside down.
At the time I worked for an agency called Grass Roots in Tring and when I found the words to explain to them what was happening the response was simple – “take as long as you need”. My managers spoke to HR on my behalf and simply told me do whatever I needed with no return-to-work deadlines or reduction in my pay. They asked what I needed – although I had no idea – they offered love, support, compassion and most importantly; time.
Rowan died 3.5 weeks later before a 7-hour natural labour. I took nearly 3 months off, fully paid, before I felt well enough physically and mentally to return to work. I was very grateful at the time but it was only in hindsight that I realised the huge impact Grass Roots had made. Not just on my recovery at the time, but for the rest of my life.
Let me explain.
When you lose someone close to you, whether that’s a child or sibling, partner or parent; it has instant impact to how you think and feel. We all cope differently and whilst some people may want to be in work others may not even be able to. If you are unable to function in work and there is no flexibility for this, what happens next?
Taking my experience as an example, if I had been told that I would be on statutory sick pay after a few weeks it would have caused financial issues for us as a family as I was not able to work. At a time when we were trying to survive the trauma of child loss we would have also had to question how we paid the mortgage. This financial stress on top of what we were going through may well have broken me. It’s an easy spiral down. A spiral down that was stopped by my employer – they enabled a slow recovery and a full return to work.
This investment in me – both financially and emotionally – reaped rewards for Grass Roots too. I felt valued and became an incredibly loyal employee. There was never any talk of me paying it back in anyway but of course, when someone has treated you with such compassion you want to pay it back in spades. The company was bought out a year later and yet, here I am still telling this story with a tear in my eye and a hand on my heart, full of gratitude.
Although conventionally focused on the emotional response to loss, grief also has physical, cognitive, behavioural, social, cultural, spiritual and philosophical dimensions. Understanding this, and offering thoughtful support and management for workplace wellbeing, can make a real difference to how people cope with the death of someone they love.
Thoughtful support and management can make a real difference to how people cope with the death of someone
they love.
So how can an employer create a supportive environment for a team member who has suffered the death of someone close?
Listen carefully and talk sensitively.
Ask them what they need – but be aware that they may not know immediately. Ask if there is anything you can do to make it easier for them.
Connect with them and stay in touch – but try not to add pressure to return to work before they feel ready if they are off. Continue to check in regularly when they have returned to the workplace. Grief doesn’t just disappear.
Be willing to communicate to the wider team on their behalf if they would like you to do so.
Remember that the loss doesn’t just affect them but the wider family. With child loss especially the father is often forgotten, but they suffer too. They may be supporting children whilst struggling with their own grief.
Create a bereavement policy if you do not have one, or aim to improve it by focusing on the person first.
Educate your workforce on how to respond when someone in their team suffers a bereavement.
Be kind. You don’t have to know all of the answers – nobody expects you to. Kindness and a willingness to show you care makes a considerable difference to mental health.
Imagine knowing that you mean so much more than your job description.
Imagine going to work and feeling loved and supported.
Imagine a company that thinks from kindness first and is focused on your wellness in the workplace.
It makes a huge difference. It can save lives.
The team at Grass Roots saved the rest of mine.
Sarah Henderson is a Creative Director and owns Yolkdesign. She is an emotionally intelligent thought leader and wellbeing champion, believing that kindness should always come first. Find Sarah on LinkedIn if you’d like to connect and chat.
